Exploring the Taboos, Unpacking the Dynamics of Intimacy and Division of Roles in Marriage

The two most common grounds for divorce are financial and sexual in character. It's also been claimed that we shouldn't discuss money or sex in public, so I think we don't care about divorce. Remember that when I talk about it because I'm sure I'll cross someone's line sooner or later. People get annoyed when I say things like "One of the wife's only real jobs in the marriage is to have sex with her husband." Now, the opposite is true, yet no one seems to mind if you claim the man's job is to have sex with his wife.

I say this because when you explain it, it's extremely ridiculous on the surface. So allow me to explain it through questions. Who would be upset if a husband hired a maid to clean the house? Where would the anger be if a spouse hired a nanny to assist with the children? Would you face divorce proceedings if you hired a cook, a CPA, a personal trainer, or a life coach? No? Are any of them a problem? What if a husband began having sex with a business partner?

If you read this and think you're okay with having someone else cook, clean, take care of the kids, and talk to you about your problems, but not with finding someone outside the marriage for sex, you've found the only job in the marriage that has to stay inside the marriage. As a result, it is the wife's job, and only the wife's role, to deal with the sexual aspect of marriage. Obviously, this applies to guys as well, but as I previously stated, no one is ever irritated by that comment.

This is why keeping the sex alive is critical to the marriage. Consider this: sometimes sex is for you, sometimes for the other person, and sometimes for the marriage. Think about how much you should care about all three of those things, and then consider your frequency of closeness.

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Dr. Matt Chalmers

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Before taking any action based on this information you should first consult with your physician or health care provider. This information is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions regarding a medical condition, your health, or wellness.

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