In this episode, a viral meme about the "Ideal Woman" is dissected to explore societal expectations and relationship dynamics. The traits listed—such as modesty, wanting to marry and have kids, and limiting male friends—are analyzed through the lens of men's desires and insecurities. The conversation delves into how self-improvement in areas that matter to a partner can lead to stronger, more meaningful relationships.
Emphasizing communication, personal growth, and reducing friction in relationships, the episode touches on topics like the benefits of modest clothing and the importance of fulfilling emotional needs to prevent infidelity. The lighthearted yet thoughtful analysis invites listeners to reflect on modern relationship pressures and what it takes to build lasting connections.
Highlights of the Podcast
00:03 – Introduction
01:29 – The Concept of Belief
02:51 – Avatar Creation & Male Insecurity
05:53 – Improving Yourself for Your Partner
06:57 – Avoiding Infidelity
08:12 – Modest and Feminine Clothing
09:26 – Protecting Relationships
10:28 – Modesty as Empowerment
11:40 – Male Friends
12:20 – Wants to Marry and Have Kids
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:00:03] So I saw this meeting other today and I thought it was awesome. I thought it was not because of the way they had printed it, but I just thought it was hilarious because of what was being said about it and kind of what it what it meant. And I was trying to turn it into a PDF. I apparently don't have that technical ability. I'll put it in the comments. But when you guys watch this, you can take a look at it first. So this was posted online and by this anaphylaxis person who I actually think it's kind of funny, very liberal, but I think it's funny. And it says in a cult, they like him, brainwashed, I guess. And it has this picture of a woman and says the ideal woman. And obviously some of these agree and some of these I disagree with. But already through some of them, you can look at the picture says, he has female friends, wears modest and feminine clothing, wants to marry and have kids, loves her family and country, wants to be a stay at home mom, reads the Bible, wants to have five kids, Natural beauty, hates communists, has no social media fit and healthy, wants to homeschool her kids, goes to church, loves children, likes to cook natural hair. All right. So that's kind of the the premise of the meme. And I think this is such a funny thing about society right now. It's the way I took it. So I'm going to break it down that way.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:01:29] So first of all, the the the opening piece of this I think is phenomenal. The in a cult they like I'm brainwashed. So both of those things imply the same thing. They imply that there's a group of people who have a an obvious and identifiable set of beliefs. Right. And the belief thing, I think it's funny because regardless how you look at it, you can you can't choose not to believe you either agree or you disagree. You go left, you go right. Beliefs are choices, right? So that's they're saying that these choices they disagree with. And so because the reason you can tell they disagree with them is because brainwashed is a negative function. And so they're trying to say that these ideals are the are run contrary to the ideals of this this apparently group of women. And I think it's hilarious because the whole point of this is that this is what men want, right? And so they're I think they're missing the entire point of, you know, this is what a group of men want, right? So this group of men are wanting these things and this group of women think it's atrocious. So now you can walk through some of these as you go and I'll go through these. Just might take one one day, but I'll walk through these because I think it's hilarious.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:02:51] What each one would actually say about the person who wants this. So you're looking at like like if this was to build an avatar, so you do this kind of in reverse option. So these are the things that this avatar is wanting, right? Some of these, I think, are interesting because the way that this paints a picture I think is interesting. So the only has female friends. All right. So let's break that one down, what that actually means, because it's really, really, really bad for the person who's wanting these things. And some of these you go left and right. It's kind of funny. But only has female friends shows an unbelievable either limiting belief in yourself or recognition that you sit so low on the hierarchy that you're worthless. Like it is really, really bad. Like it's super duper bad. The reason that a guy would want would not want a woman to have male friends isn't because he doesn't trust her. That's not the implicit comment. The implicit thing is that he doesn't trust the other guys because let's be fair. Let's face it. We shouldn't trust other guys. Like that's just that's kind of how it is, right? So it's that he doesn't trust other guys. Well, why doesn't he trust other guys? Because he believes that somehow they're going to be able to convince this woman that is, quote unquote, with him to sleep with or be with them. All right. Well, how does that function happen? Well, there's two general purposes. Either he's neglecting her worth and neglecting her needs or.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:04:25] She finds someone else who better fits the needs she has and she's attracted to. So either she finds a better man. And so she leaves you for the better man or. Yeah, that's that's basically the big the big piece is that, you know, there's a better man out there that can they can easily take your wife or your woman away from you. And so I think I think that walks on a real nice, nihilistic road of, you know, how horrible you are without the idea of I can be better. So what you'd want to do in that case is you'd actually want to take the responsibility on that and be like, All right, cool. This woman I find high value. I want to maintain the relationship with this person. I want to grow the relationship with this person. I want to solidify that I am the person that she should be with. Well, it's a pretty simple concept. If you're worried about hierarchal structure and her finding a better man, you find the things that appealed to her like a list like this, and then you become very, very strong in each one of those points, those those verticals in the hierarchy. Right. So if she she values the fit and go to the gym. Right. So, you know, on the level hierarchy, like are you in the top 10% of fitness for men your age? Right. Or men in general. Because she could find a younger man, you know, as far as fat and muscle tone goes. Are you there? You know, as far as, you know, intellectual function, do you stimulate her intellectually? Okay.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:05:53] Well, what is she interested in? Maybe you should know something about that so you can have a conversation with her about it. How do you make her feel emotionally, or are you supporting her emotionally? You know, these type of things. This is not a super difficult thing to walk through to figure out how do I grow myself in the hierarchy so that I am looked upon by my mate as someone who's attractive, more attractive to tomorrow than I was yesterday. I mean, if this is the person to live with and know and understand and love tremendously, you should know what they like and then move into that direction. Because we want to maintain that relationship. You want to be you want to maintain the object of their desire, their object of their you know, hey, these are the things I like in a human being. And look, I'm also I'm already with that person, so I don't need to go anywhere else. So that's the thing. If you look at a lot of adultery, stuff like that, especially with women, it's because they got something from the relationship that they weren't getting from one at home, whether it's excitement, whether it's, you know, they spoke better to that. That person's that woman's, in this case, love language. You know, if you never tell her her hair is pretty.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:06:57] And that's what she needs to hear more than anything else in the world. And some other person keeps on her hair is pretty, you know, you don't want to let somebody else for, you know, your perspective person, man or woman, their love tank. You want to fill that yourself. So you need to figure out how to communicate to this person that you're with to best communicate those ideas. And so just in that little piece, I think it's hilarious. Just this is it as a as a flow, as a what's going on here. That one, I think is you could you could talk about that one for a day like that One is that one I think is hilarious. But. That one, like I said, is is very, very funny. Mean you can go to that one forever wears modest and feminine clothing. All right. So basically what we're saying is that, you know, this type of man would be looking for somebody who. Isn't showing off all the guts, if you will. You know, can I keep some things secret and keep some things, you know, together hidden, that type of thing. You know, I think this is the problem with this. This is super vague. It's, you know, what do you consider modest and feminine? I think the most feminine thing you can talk about is a bikini. It's also not very modest.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:08:12] So, you know, that type of deal, I guess, dresses is what they're going for. Fine, whatever. But this one is, I think, interesting because it's like, hey, we want somebody who recognizes the body has worth and value and that they have a deeper functional ethic and they have something that they value is more important. And so they don't want to. Lead themselves to the to the to the to the Freudian object that, you know, everything boils down to sex and power. So it's more of a it's more of a this is specific. This is special. This is reserved type of a thing. And I think there's a lot of benefits just to show that. I think if you look at your study on sexualization and you look at, you know, what it does to people, you know, as far as objectivity, it's like that, I guess. I think that the the evidence leans more and this is obviously and I think the evidence leans more towards more modest clothing, more, you know, more of that thing is more of a puts you into a safer, long term functional relationship. So in this case, it's one of those things where like, this is the type of thing that I believe a man who's looking for a forever family, you know.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:09:26] So I want to get I want to find a person I want to marry that person were married to them forever, you know, And I want this to be my partner and the journey. Right. And so you would be like it would be easier on a relationship if, let's say she has an amazing body, if she's not showing it off to everybody. Because again. This goes back to the idea that I don't trust the other guys because guys lie and guys are sneaky and guys are foxes and guys are all sorts of terrible. As far as, you know, coming in, deciding we want something maybe just as a conquest, it's just a, you know, hey, it's a challenge and I want to do it. You know, having people who wear a little bit more modest clothing, they think I in this veneer would be like, hey, it's going to reduce those chances of. Putting tension or strife into the relationship. And so any time that you're like, is there a way we can separate strife and struggle from the relationship, I think we should do some of those things if they're easy things to do. And I think in this case, wearing a little more modest clothing, covering yourself up a little bit better.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:10:28] You know, I think that that would line up with that thinking. So this this I think the thrust and the emergence of this concept is basically trying to remove friction through the relationship, thus enhancing the ability for it to last longer. So where's my list in food and clothing? I don't think it's oppressive. I think it's if you look at it as a suppressing to an individual person, you could view it that way. But that's not how this marriage is supposed to be. A marriage is supposed to be to people who are doing their very best to stay together as one unit. And so in that case, it would be something the woman would do to empower that relationship, to maintain it and to strengthen it. So this one this one, I think is has a lot of merit to it. The only as female friends I think is super duper dangerous. I think this is I think this is a very, very negative viewpoint from the man, from any man's standpoint that his wife shouldn't or girlfriend shouldn't have male friends. I don't know. My wife has lots of male friends and I think they're awesome human beings. But again, I'm not really worried about them because I've built myself into a position where, you know, I've done my best to stand higher in the hierarchy of the things that she finds attractive.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:11:40] So I think the next one is pretty self-explanatory and I'll jump to that little bit later. But it's basically it's. Wants to. Wants to marry and have kids. Again, this goes back to my general premise that this list of things is a list of someone who is looking for a wife and a mother and a partner and a forever family. So I find it hilarious that these women are against the general premise of what this these type of people are actually looking for. Because my whole growing up life, I thought, this is what women want it. I thought there was a lot of women who wanted to, you know, get married and have kids and have some to love them and be with them and stay with them and be partnered with them and, you know, treat them as a valued member of their very close knit circle, which is basically what a marriage is. So to have these women come at me like this is a horrible idea. This is terrible. Why would you why would you want to be this person? I think it's hilarious. So but wants to marry and have kids is an obvious one. I'll open it up afterwards and I'll. I'll go back there and and go to this next Thursday as well. But I just think this is hilarious. This is the type of stuff that I love to just sit there and dig into the cycle and think, you know, who are these people and who is the avatar for this and who would want this avatar? And I this is this is hilarious. And so I'm going to go do this next Thursday. So thanks for your time. I think this is Larry's.
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