Sometimes kids need to hear advice from someone other than their parents for it to really sink in. That’s why building a strong community around them is so important. Whether it’s through church groups, schools, mentors, or trusted friends, surrounding them with positive influences helps them learn, grow, and think for themselves.

In today’s world, creating that kind of environment takes a little more effort, but it’s worth it. Finding people who can guide, teach, and support your kids in different areas of life can make all the difference as they find their own way.

Highlights of the Podcast

00:04 – Parental Influence vs. External Voices

01:59 – Importance of Building a Community

03:41 – Leveraging Experts and Mentors

05:27 – The Role of a Strong Network

07:12 – Examples of How Community Shapes Children

08:50 – Historical Importance of Community

10:27 – Modern Solutions and Mentorship

12:03 – Final Advice

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:00:04] Okay, so I was talking to a buddy of mine this weekend, and he was telling me about how his kids listen to him and how they're making wrong decisions and they're going down the wrong path. The thing is, is that, and I talked to parents about this a lot and I've talked about this on, on here a lot. Um, a lot of parents bring me their kids for me to tell them the same thing. The parents been telling them over and over, over again, in different voice. And for some reason they listened to me and they don't listen to their Um, again, this is one of those things where this is, this is created because you're in a different vertical than when your parent, your kids are listening for, um, as a parent, Your primary, most important role is to always be there. Uh, to love them and, you know, be there for whenever they need you. And the, the, the thing you should want for them is for them to go and be their own person, to launch, to go on, you do their own things, take in information, develop ideas on their own and things like that. So in a lot of ways, you don't want them just parroting everything that you've ever said. So the, you kind of want them not to listen to you in a way, but you definitely want them to listen to you when you're like, look, here's some information that I have, that I could definitely use. You could definitely use this information to better yourself or what's going on. Um, and we all want them to hear that and we're all get pissy when they don't the, the way that that is actually best solved is by having a community that your kids are part of. This is why church works really, really well, um, to a degree. Uh, this is why private schools work really, really well. This is my fraternities work really really well because What ends up happening is that. As the parent, if you can have control over the voices and the influences that are in your circle and in your kid's circle, you can start to shape them from a change into like, right?

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:01:59] So for instance, this is a great example, uh, neuro-linguistic programming is super important to personal development. Um, it is probably one of the best ways that you can start to reframe and look at the world in a way that you can critically, you want to learn to critically think. NLP is the best way to go, like a hundred percent. Um, cause it forces you to look at things in different ways and drive meaning out of them from a different perspective, uh, super duper important. Uh, my, my wife Lou and I use it all the time. Uh, we've used it on ourselves. It's phenomenal for us. And we coach people with it. It's fantastic. And, uh. I wanted my kids, I still want my kids to get significant value out of NLP. But I also knew that I was probably not the best person to try to teach them everything. Uh, so we had, we've got one of our buddies, Nathan, uh, who's probably, you know, one of the top NLP people I've ever met working with our kids. And you know the nice thing is that, you know, cause the way at least my family works and a lot of other families are like this, uh. The more work we can do on the, on the first born, the, uh the easier it will be on the other ones because, uh my youngest Lath kind of looks up to and kind of wants to do everything that zane my oldest one's doing and so teaching Zane and LP will be an easy way of then Creating the path for Lath to learn And while I could teach them a lot of this stuff My goal is to make them the best Human beings I can and that means that there if I know they're not going to derive the best education for me I have to find it for them from somewhere else So, you know, this kind of goes back to the funny story I tell all the time.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:03:41] So my oldest was with a buddy of mine who's an NFL, uh, been the NFL for lots of years, uh and my buddy, Nate was, uh teaching Zane, uh offensive line skills. Uh, and so Zane starts asking all these exercise and, you know, weightlifting and nutrition questions. And Nate finally looks at him and goes, you know who I ask all these questions to? And saying it was who he was your dad. He was like, how do you think we know each other? And it was funny because that was the first time that saying kind of got the realization that you know what it is I do, you know, and, you know, how many people I work with for bodybuilding and nutrition and health and stuff like that, because he got validate, I got validated by someone he looked up to in that vertical. And now saying listens to me a heck of a lot more than it used to. But at the same time, if I want him to learn offensive line, I'm not going to teach him. I'm going to find the best offensive line coach I can. And Nate's probably the best office of line coach. I'm gonna find cause he's phenomenal at it. Uh, that was his thing in the NFL. So, you know, I want him to be taught by Nate. I want, you, know, my kids to be thought NLP from Nathan who taught me. Uh, so it's one of those things that when we look at our kids and we think, you now, we've got to get the best information to these kids so They can, you know, assimilate it, grow and learn and you know. Make the right decisions, we have to start building a community around us that we can then hand to our children to give them this information. And again, this is why I said, like, this is why church groups are great. This is why private school groups are Great. You know, start looking around your network function and be like, who has the skills that you know, or who has, you know? Whatever it is that I need to teach my kids.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:05:27] So for instance, my buddy, Eric, WindCube is just savant on macroeconomic function. And when it becomes time for us to start teaching macroeconomics function, uh, and derivative function and stuff like that, I'm going to have Eric teach my kids, you know, the fundamental function and, you know, The guiding principles behind that, because, you know, we have access to them. So one of the things that, you know, We talk a lot about, this is a big thing in the entrepreneurial space, the, uh you know your network is your net worth. And so that's one of those big, big things. If you don't have a network, if you haven't gone out and built the relationships with, you know, different experts in different fields, it's going to be difficult for you to get that information passed on to your children, uh, or to just have somebody to go to for different questions. I've got guys that I go to, for, you know, my individual questions might, you got four or five lawyers. I asked the lawyer questions too. Uh, I'm got pharmacists that I asked specific pharmacy questions too, I get to hang out with some of the best pediatricians in the world, as far as natural healthcare goes, and so I have access to them. I can ask them questions. So, you know, it's one of those things that when you're looking to, when you're, looking to be a good parent, um, before you even have kids, you know, maybe you've got young kids and you're trying to figure out, you know, the best way to do that. I would highly recommend that you look at building your network, um trying to, figure out who you can get these kids in, you know, in contact with and connection with. That can teach them the things that you want them to know, maybe that you even know yourself, but you, maybe they need to hear it from a different voice, you know, and that's always, like I say,.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:07:12] The funniest thing, you all get kids and your athletes who come in here. I'll ask him, like, how much water do you drink? And they're like, Oh, about, you know, two bottles a day. And I'm like, so about 16 ounces. And they were like, yeah, I'm like, you need to increase that by a hundred ounces. And they go, oh, all right. I'll start working on that. And it's funny because the parents are just over there. Just like, like I, I tell them that every single day and I'm like, yes, you needs to come from somebody else. So, you know, when I would tell Zane, you know, concepts from NLP projection is perception is projection. You know, moving to the cause side of the equation, things like that, he would listen and kind of go, okay. And then when Nathan told him, he came back and he started, you know using the analogies, he started proving that he had conceptual function of an LP. And I was like, Okay, that's where it needs to go. So if you're frustrated, and you're worried about especially this for like young, young moms, young dads, people who are going to one day be moms or be dads, the very best thing you can do is to find the people who are great with, you know, moral wealth, you know, they're great moral people. They're, you know, great cooks. They're great accountants. great, you know, whatever. And then those are your community. Those are the people that you build that you bring in to work with your kids to make sure that they get the information they need to be able to do the things they needed to do. So that's, you know, we used to have this, this book. We used to be, this is very, very common thing 50 years ago. You know, because all the dads, we get together and the grand dads, they get together. And so they had this community of men and the women would all get together near this community women.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:08:50] And so, you know we had this influence for multiple people saying, you know the same thing and, you know, different voices and maybe a little bit different ways. And so we were able to pass on a lot of these very important concepts, uh, these very important, you know, you know, cultural and, uh philosophical paths. And that's why, you know, a lot of this stuff, you know, and you feel like in the last 50 years, our healthcare, our, uh, mental health, you know, our moral function, like has all decayed tremendously because we've lost this community stature, this community function. Uh, it's being rebuilt, but that was the big thing. Uh, and there's lots of reasons we can look into, for instance, like when, when we decided that we all had to be two income households and mom was no longer going to stay at home with the kids. And do the unbelievably critical role of linchpin of the family, of the loving and the guiding and the connecting and the whole deal that moms do better than anybody else in the world. Uh, when we started to lose that, that was, that was a problem for us. Uh, as we started moving, move away from, you know, community organizations like churches and, you know, different rotary clubs or different, different groups. You know, that created an issue. Uh, the idea of You know, you used to see this with a lot of hunting camps. What ended up happening is that the father would go, uh, hunting with his friends, and that was the thing that would happen from time to time. And then as the children got older, the children then became invited to go be with the guys and do the things and hear all the stories and you'll become one of the group, uh.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:10:27] And that was, you know, kind of a rite of passage and that sort of thing, but that also exposed those children to other adult leaders and other adults in their, in their life. That they could learn from, whether it's be like this guy or don't be like this guy, those connections were important and we're starting to lose that. So if you're looking for ways, again, I talk to parents about this all the time and they're like, my kids won't listen to me. Your kids don't have to listen to you for you to get that message to them. You just have to find somebody that they will listen to that they can then take that information from. And some of the stuff they could work from. You know, uh, online, like I told my kids, you know, I've made several comments and references to Dr. Peterson, um, and my kids have started looking at some of his videos and watching some of those things, uh. Which has been great because now they have questions of their own that they're bringing to me and asking me about. So even if you don't have access to some of these people in there on your daily function, uh you know even some of these guys that are online, you can have them kind of listen to some, some of the stuff that they are saying, some of the ideas they're going with, uh that'll help be helpful. Hiring mentors for yourself is fantastic hiring mentors for your children. I think is one of the best things that you can do. We've been Lou and I've been, you know, able to be mentors for a couple of young, uh, 20 year olds who are just starting to kind of figure out what life is about. It's been fantastic. It's has been super fun, extremely rewarding, uh for all involved. So if you guys are looking for that type of thing, guidance for your kids and stuff like that,.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:12:03] I would highly recommend that you find high quality mentors for these kiddos, uh, look around your circle and try to figure out, you know, who are the people that I should have, you know, my kids talk to, and then ask them, see if those guys will talk to your kids. Uh, it's very, very, very difficult to, for anybody to take their kids and then, you know, pour into them all the things they need to know and have the kids listen and assimilate it. Uh, It's much easier to have. To be the person who then goes out and selects the community that is around their children and then that community feeds the children. So think of it from that angle. Um, especially if you're like, man, my kids don't listen to me. Who would they listen to? Who do you have access to that you think your kids might listen to, and they don't have to listen to them a hundred percent if they listen to you five percent and they listen. You know, somebody else 35% great. Go get that person. The 35% is a lot more than five. Know, maybe if those person, those people can be like, Hey, here's some other people you should listen to and the health space and the, uh, and the athletic space and, uh you know, drawing and the math and the whatever space you're talking about, the moral space and uh, you know religious space, here are some other that you, you can listen to, uh that will still drive that same functional message. That's the way to do it. You know, cultivate a group, cultivate a community. For yourself and for your kids and then, you know, immerse your kids in it is going to be a much easier path than just trying to figure out how to, um, to, for you to tell the kids everything and the kids, then, expect the kids to then do everything you tell them. Uh, so if you guys have any questions about that, like, you, how we've been building it, where we've sent people hit us up in the comments, uh, or since, uh email at questions at chalmerswellness.com. Uh, that's probably one of the most important things that we've been doing for a while that I'd recommend that you guys do as far as you know, getting your kids to direct themselves in the path they need to go. All right, thanks for your time. Have a great day.

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Dr. Matt Chalmers

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