Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) serves as a powerful framework for self-improvement and effective communication, distinct from traditional therapy. It functions as a coaching tool that reprograms thought patterns, enabling individuals to achieve personal and professional goals. By shifting mindsets, NLP cultivates positivity, enhances relationships, and provides practical tools to address limiting beliefs. It focuses on empowering individuals to uncover their potential and create meaningful change in how they perceive and interact with their environment.

NLP has proven effective in a range of scenarios, from managing corporate negotiations to improving family dynamics. It helps individuals alleviate stress, identify subconscious barriers, and gain clarity around their goals. Its adaptability makes it valuable for young adults seeking direction, professionals refining their interpersonal skills, and anyone striving for personal growth. By fostering self-awareness and a proactive mindset, NLP equips individuals to overcome obstacles and align their actions with their aspirations.

Highlights of the Podcast

00:11 - Introduction to NLP

01:04 - NLP vs. Talk Therapy

01:51 - Explanation of NLP

02:49 - Reprogramming Mindset for Positivity

06:08 - Understanding Perception and Reality

07:56 - High-Stakes Negotiation Background

14:22 - Application of NLP in Parenting and Relationships

18:12 - Self-Improvement through NLP

20:58 - Reducing Stress and Emotional Triggers

25:04 - Open Loop and Gratitude Practice

30:15 - Breaking Negative Patterns and Programing

38:56 - Who Benefits from NLP

40:46 - NLP’s Role in Marriages and Partnerships

43:29 - Empowering Youth with NLP

47:24 - Cultural and Individual Perspectives

54:05 - Closing Thoughts

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:00:02] All right. So lots of people have told me they wanted to meet you. So this kind of counts as getting to meet you. So that'll be fun.

Lulu Chalmers [00:00:08] I'm ready .

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:00:11] All right. So first, I want to start off because this is the question I get all the time and I know you get it as well. Is an NLP the same thing as like, talk therapy or psychotherapy?

Lulu Chalmers [00:00:24] No, it's not therapy. We're not. We're not psychologists. We're not psychiatrists. This is. Think of it more as coaching and helping someone walk through discovering their own solutions, their things. It's giving them essentially the tools to be able to do it on their own. So we are not psychologists, psychiatrists. If as part of the process, if we find that someone. Needs a psychiatrist or psychologist, depending on the situation. We will absolutely make that recommendation.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:01:04] Yeah, I usually tell people what's more and I mentioned this to. It's I tell people it's more Tony Robbins and less Dr. Jordan Peterson. Yeah. So it's yeah, it's more, more that type of stuff because, you know, Tony Robbins uses an IP as well and some of this stuff so well.

Lulu Chalmers [00:01:17] And the thing is, though, is that, you know, we have clients that have both. Right. That they work well together. So it's, you know, don't think of it as a. This or that. They can absolutely work well together. But we're not. This isn't. Psychologists. Psychiatrists. It's different.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:01:37] Yeah. All right. So. All right. And then we've got kind of that major question out of the way. Kind of run through and kind of explain to people. You know a little bit more about what an IP is and how we use it.

Lulu Chalmers [00:01:51] Just breaking it down. NLP is neuro linguistics programing, which tells you.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:01:57] Not a lot thing. Yeah, I get it.

Lulu Chalmers [00:02:02] It's using your language to reprogram your mind. Essentially, it can be used in all aspects of life. What we're doing is changing your mindset. To enable you to achieve your goals. To change how you communicate with people. It could help with relationships. It can help you professionally. So there's a lot to it, too, where you're just using these tools that we're giving you. In order to change that mindset, your programing. In how you view the world, in how you interact with the world and the people around you.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:02:49] Very cool. Yeah. We've been using one of the things I. I explain it as like, gratitude. Like if you start to make yourself look for the good in the world, you can find it because it's super easy to look for the bad, but you can teach yourself to look for the good.

Lulu Chalmers [00:03:06] So there are people who, to your point, they instantly go to the negative and things they're viewing the negative. And so if you're changing what they're looking for and what they're looking at, it starts reprograming. It's like a habit. It's once you start doing it over and over and over again, it becomes a habit and it's second nature to where now you're looking for the more positive things and you're seeing more of the positive versus the negative.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:03:38] Yeah, it's actually a really cool technique. It's it's hard to. It's funny cause, like, it's hard to describe it and talk about it without using the terms. So, yeah, that's where, it's where we're really kind of struggling, kind of like to explain it without using like vernacular. That's part of it. So but now it's, it's been really, really handy for me at least in learning to communicate, understanding that, you know, I've been telling people this and it's funny, I mentioned this to somebody today I was talking to and I hear, well, if you have any questions, make sure you ask. And she was like, Well, I don't ask you stupid questions and was like, Well, don't worry about that, because if I tell you something and you have a question, that means I didn't explain it well, has nothing to do with you as a basic communication. The way that you teach teaches communication is how well did the person you're talking to receive the information you're trying to give them, And it kind of goes back on. It's on you to figure that out. And she goes.

Lulu Chalmers [00:04:33] Yeah, go ahead, Sorry.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:04:34] Well, she was just like, well, that makes you feel a lot better. And I was like, Yeah, I know. If you don't understand it, it's completely my fault. I understand this. You don't. It's my job to make you understand this. If you don't tell me so I can help you more. And she's like, that makes me feel so much better. So.

Lulu Chalmers [00:04:49] Well, there are so many situations where people are talking past each other, where they're saying the exact same thing, just using different words, and they're arguing with each other. And if you take a step back and listen or notice what's happening, it's that. The words I use may be different than what that other person receives or needs to hear. And you're literally having an argument about the same thing, about the same type. You both agree on what it is that you're discussing and you're just talking past each other.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:05:22] Yeah. Well, there's a lot of that talking to talk, not talking to, not listening to respond type of thing. But, you know, one of those things that it's kind of funny again, the way we start kind of looking at things, you know, when we talk about words like words have definitions, but we kind of take a we can take a word, put it on a box, and then we have what we think is the definition in the box. And so if you and I are both using the same word, but it means a little bit something different to me than it does to you, then that's where a lot of this starts to happen. And so if you go, well, this word actually means this to this person and this too. Now, I can understand what you're talking about and how to communicate with you easier. And so it's a lot of that type of idea that I found really, really helpful.

Lulu Chalmers [00:06:08] Well, you know, one of the things to also keep in mind, and this is some of the stuff that we talk about during the sessions is that your perception of the world isn't necessarily reality, the actual reality, because it's your reality, it's based on your experiences, based on your whatever the traumas that you've gone through your life. And therefore, you see things in maybe a different way than somebody else's. Perfect example is if you have multiple people. In a in the same room experiencing a situation, and then you ask some questions about it. Every person has their own idea of what happened, their own viewpoint of what happened. And that's because of their own perception of the sequence of events or whatever the situation was.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:07:03] Yeah, and it's not that people are lying, it's just that that's the way they perceived it. The easiest example is you get two people who are in an argument and they're like, This is what happened. The other person is like, No, this is what happened. They both believe that what they're saying is accurate and what usually is neither one of them is actually accurate because that was just how they perceive what happened at the time. And so, you know, understanding that and being able to walk back through that makes it a lot easier. So I remember we talked about because you've done you've done a lot of negotiating like high end negotiating. So like, like walk us through kind of like that, that type of stuff about you. What what's the type of like dollar amounts and like deals that you've been working on in the past? So I want people to kind of get an understanding of like where you were on this and then the type of training you received to do this type of negotiation.

Lulu Chalmers [00:07:56] So career wise, I actually started with more of the mom and pop. Smaller startup companies, things like that, and then ended up moving to a Fortune 500 company. I was there for about 23 years and it did deal strategy negotiations from that aspect. So we actually had a lot of negotiations, training and the deals that I tended to work on wore. Gosh, the largest one was about 2.5 to 3 billion, but it tended to be more in the hundreds of millions of dollars. So yeah, there were larger deals. There were fairly significant. And a lot of the negotiations trainings that we went through actually did incorporate some LP items. We've had hostage negotiators that, you know, that we went through with, you name it. We've probably gone through it over the 23 years. But it was interesting to me. For me personally, I liked the NLP components more because again, at the time we did, I didn't realize it was an LP because it was incorporated in a larger body of work. But to me the interesting part was learning what to listen for. And that part was very interesting and how people receive information in different ways and hear it in different ways. And so I know a lot of our account executives. The way they would present something we were taught. Okay, we'll listen to what the other person think, because you'll notice if somebody is actually getting what you're saying or not. In everyday life, right, whether you're at a negotiation table or whether you're talking to your. Children or anybody else. Right? You'll notice if there's this blank look on their face and you're thinking you are not hearing a word I'm saying.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:10:01] Right.

Lulu Chalmers [00:10:02] And it's actually switching it to go, okay, maybe you need to receive the information a different way.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:10:09] Yeah. The thing I like about and this is why I like to use it up here to kind of walk us into psychedelics is that we actually spend a lot of time talking about the subconscious or the unconscious mind. It's basically the same thing, but it's the it's the under four. For those of you who are old enough, it's like the dos that is running the operating system. Anybody who's a who's younger than 30 has no idea what I'm talking about. They're going, what? There are, But yeah, it's the operating system that runs everything else. And so, you know, without the without the things that we've filtered into it, the things that, you know, you're actually thinking on the inside, the, the, the, the thing that's kind of running the rest of you. And so the, the things that keep you from the things you make you who you are like the things that you know. I have I have this limiting belief that keeps me, you know, in this box or, you know, I have this issue that I can't. I don't understand cause I'm angry about it. You know, those type of things. Like when somebody says something, you're like, you're extra angry about that, and you really shouldn't be like, being able to catch those.

Lulu Chalmers [00:11:15] Right. And most people don't know why because it could be something that happened. At such a young age that they're not necessarily recollecting what the event was that may have triggered that. It could be something that's, you know, passed down in the family. It could be that, you know, great Grandpa John had an experience when he was younger that made him extremely cynical. And as he continued growing up, that's that was his viewpoint, had children and they learned that same type of mindset. And it just keeps going and going and going. And which, again, you know, that you brought up what's nice about an LP is it can be used across all aspects of your life. So identifying these. Issues, these triggers, these, you know, limiting beliefs or whatever it is. That's. Putting obstacles in your way. And understanding what they are and helping remove them. That's. Really sets people up to be able to achieve those goals, right?

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:12:24] It well, it's funny because like the vast majority of the time, people don't even know that they've been programed that way. So, you know, you have somebody who, for instance, you have somebody who got really burned by the church. And and so now they teach their kids that the church is a bad place. And so what ends up happening is that the kids have this programing, that church is bad or Republicans are bad or Democrats are bad or whatever it is. But they've been programed, they've heard it over and over and over again. So they just believe it because they've never processed it. And then as they get older, you go, Well, what makes you think that? And it's funny because people go, I, I don't know. I just always have like, well, let's walk through that. Let's like, let's figure out if that's actually the way things are. That's how you actually think. And most of the time it's not. It's just like he's talking about it's been programed into them from somebody who had an experience with it years ago. And so that's that's probably one of the things that I find the most interesting about it is because I've had to look at a lot of the things that I've just decided where the way things are. And then it was like, Is that really how it is? Or are you just have you been told that? And you never questioned it. So, you know, those things are pretty funny. The probably the thing that's that I like the most about the NLP education is the way that you and I communicate, and especially the way that Zane and I communicate now. Like it's helped out. Like we've always done a really good job with communication, but like, there's been times when I don't know if you've caught it, but like, I'll say something to you and I'll stop and go, Hold on. That's not going to process the way I want it to. Let me let me say that differently, because I know that, like, that's what made sense to me. But just because it makes sense to me, I don't think it makes sense to use. I'll stop and I'll it and that's been helpful because there's times I've said something and you'll look at me funny and I'll go, I'm going to say that and I'll say it again. And I can tell that you get it, which doesn't happen.

Lulu Chalmers [00:14:22] That, by the way.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:14:23] Well, you're welcome. It's, you know, you've got to work on things that are important. Like, yeah, this relationships are important, so I have to work on it as much as I can. But the other thing that's been really helpful with Zane is we were really starting to butt heads on a lot of stuff because I had decided this is how things were. And and I'm trying to explain, you know, adult things to a 12 year old and Zane's really smart and that's that's has a double edged sword because like sometimes I'll say something like, I get that. And sometimes I'll say something to be like, I have no idea what you're talking about, but the ability to figure out who he is and how he thinks and the ability for me to better communicate things to him has helped out quite a bit. And just being able to teach him some of these things, like the past couple weeks, he's gotten months and so he's gotten a lot easier to communicate with. And it's been that's been really fun. Like, you know, I pride myself on the important things like keeping my my relationship with you together and keeping my relationship with my kids together. And this is this is by far the thing that has helped me with that more than anything. You know, that's been that's been the thing I like the most about it.

Lulu Chalmers [00:15:37] For me again, going back to Zane would help me as well, especially through the the an LP body of work is understanding him a little bit more from this sense of why is he. If he lashes out about something, what is the purpose of that? Right. Uncovering that and understand who will where is that coming from? Is it that he's irritated about something? Is it coming from a fear of something? And the way that he processes it is that he's becomes angry or lashes out or, you know, whatever the response is, is that there's something behind it. And so taking the time to actually understand that in him and again, for an LP, I would recommend starting with it more from an introspective, you know, self-help piece. But then it can be actually also used. Once you understand it in yourself, you can then use it across the board. And like we were talking about, we're using with our kids, you can use it in professionally, you can use it with a spouse or any relationship with your parents, you know, So. It can be used across the board, which is the beauty of it.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:16:57] Yeah, The thing I like the most about it is and this is this might just be me personally, my personality, but I like the idea that it's based around you're fixing you, you're not fixing your spouse, you're not fixing your kids, you're not fixing your business partner. You're fixing you because, you know, and this is something I've said for a long time before I got trained. And it was, you know, you can you can beg, you can be you can yell at somebody else, but you can't change them. You can only change you. And once you kind of get that in your head, you're like, well, how do I change me to communicate with you in a way that is mutually beneficial to the two of us? And that piece I really, really like because you know what it's like. No, it's on you. Like, okay. So I can. I can make this work if I just change the way I'm doing things. Yeah. Yeah. It's on you. Cool. And again, that goes back to the whole idea. What I said with this lady earlier was that if I don't. If you don't understand something I said, that's my fault, not yours. And so tell me so I can say it again and we can kind of figure out how we get to where we need to be. And you're right. Like, there's lots of times I talk to people and I watch their eyes kind of glaze over and I'm like, okay, that was.

Lulu Chalmers [00:18:08] Like, I just lost you. Yeah, well, yeah. And actually just taking a few steps back. This is again where this I would say this is a little different from, you know, when you hear about life coaches and, you know, things like that is that we're not here to tell you what to do. We're guiding you through it. But you own this 100%. Your success is dependent on. You and the amount of work and effort that you're putting in. Into it. So you own this 100%. We're here to kind of guide you through it. But. It is 100% on you to actually get this done. You. You own this. This is. This is your life. And you control what you can. Control you. That's the thing I do like about this.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:19:03] Yeah. Now, that is that. That's always been. That's always been one of my favorite pieces of it. As we as we. So as we're going through this, like, what have you seen? You know. So what are the other things about you that I wanted to go through was. You know, not only have you worked for your fortune of other companies and done large negotiation deals, but you're also a mom and you're also, you know, a wife and you've got to do all of those things as well. And so, you know, when I'm I like to use this for with people, it's to help relieve and eliminate stress issues. Can you can you touch on some of that? Because I know a lot of women that are out there and guys, too, but women who are out there who have, you know, their job and they've got their kids and they've got their husband they have to deal with or their spouse they have to deal with. Is there anything specific that you've you've been able to do with this that's been helpful in those areas? So back to kind of going back through the. So tell everybody, you know about this is one of the things I think is. You know, really beneficial, not only if he worked for the Fortune 500 companies, but while you were doing that, you were also mom to two kids. You know, you're running the theater staff. You're not running it, but you're you're helping the theater staff. You're doing all the mom stuff. You're doing the wife thing, which was fantastic at that. So, you know, you kind of understand the the stressors and the trash and all the stuff that goes on with, you know, corporate America and the politics and that, you know, good managers and bad managers and all the all the jazz that has to deal with that kind of. Walk us through how this type of thinking, this type of thing has helped, you know, can help that type of a person reconnect and function better in that world?

Lulu Chalmers [00:20:58] Yeah. And, you know, again, like you were saying, there's between all the. Sports and extracurricular activities for kids and your playing chauffeur and, you know, the whatever it is that you need to help them with at school And then it's the. Being, you know, the partner, spouse, aunt, uncle, whatever it is, being a you have parents that are for me, you know, they're in their mid 80s so, you know, all their health things and stress of work. I know that it is extremely stressful even if you're not necessarily feeling it. It is going to affect you. It can come out as physical ailments. It can come out as all sorts of things. And I know that going through, you know, and again, in the corporate world and in any kind of business that you're in, you're going to have your, you know. Great managers and you're going to have your not so great managers are team members and whatnot. And it could be that you're in a toxic and environment and understanding, taking the time to understand what it is and owning the part that you can control definitely helped me. And what also helped me going through this was the. And again, I know you're saying we're trying not to use the terminology, but there were certain things that I was holding on to, certain emotions that I was holding on to around it. And going through this helped me. Release some of those some of those things that we're just. Whether it's anger or, you know, fear or whatever it is. For me in particular, it helped me get past that. And let it go. It's not that I'm never going to feel fear or anger or anything, it's just that I no longer have that visceral reaction to certain things. But it does help you and it helps you kind of understand what's happening and take the time to. Okay, let me assess what's happening. Let me reassess myself and. Look at all the positive aspects of things that are happening as opposed to having it all the way down.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:23:28] Yeah. And I can tell you, it was funny because I wanted to. I was. You're one of those people that. Is kind of a born coach. Like, you're just people come and they talk to you and they tell you, here's all the things that are wrong with my life. And, you know, now I just feel better talking to you. So I knew that this was something that you needed to do for a long time. I was just waiting for you to decide that it was time to not be, not be at work anymore and do something different. But it was fun to watch you come home after you did the five negative emotional release and just. The it's like it's like the ribbon that's brown too tight. And it was just like it let all the pressure out, let all the tension out. And you were just like, you were still you. But you were just like, I can breathe now.

Lulu Chalmers [00:24:15] Like, yes.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:24:16] Things are. I can deal with all the things on my plate a lot easier because the tension is gone out of it. And that was that was really, really fun to see. I knew that that was going to happen. So I'm glad that, you know, you got there. So and I'm not going be able to do this without using terminology. So I'll just explain as we go along. But one of the things that, you know, teach us to do is they teach about the open loop. And this is my favorite part of that LP. So I wanted to I wanted to touch on the open loop. So, so the way this the way that you can explain it. And Nathan did a great job explaining this. If you're talking to somebody about your neighbor and you can't remember your neighbor's name, you have that little brain fart. You're like, What is his name? And then like an hour later, you're like, Bill Bills his name. Just out of nowhere, your brain goes, Here's information an hour late. You know, that's that's the.

Lulu Chalmers [00:25:04] You're in the middle of the night.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:25:06] Or in the middle of the night. You wake up, go, Bill. And you were like, what are you talking about? That's our neighbor's name. You're like, Yes, it is. Are you okay? So but what happens is that even though you've moved on consciously, your unconscious or subconscious mind is still looking for that answer. And so it's looking looking like it finally finds it. It closes the loop and it goes, Haha, I feel good about it now and like you do. Yeah. Check the box like you do. You're like Bill. I remember like, what's going on? It's been an hour since we had this conversation. I know, but now I remembered his name and I feel a little bit better. I got a little dopamine kick out of this and so we're good.

Lulu Chalmers [00:25:38] Yeah.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:25:39] So. But you can actually open loops on purpose. And what happens is that that's how you do gratitude, like, so if you're constantly looking for things, your subconscious will constantly look for you. And so you always see the things that you enjoy. You always things the things that make you happy. You always see the things that are, you know, beneficial because that's how what you, how you've set your mind to do it. And it's one of those things where you can set it for people like, you know, it's really easy. Like this is one of the things that I like for people to do when they when they're in a relationship is set. The good things for your spouse. Like remind yourself of all the good things your spouse does. And so at the end of the day, you're like, Man, my spouse kind of kicks ass. So it kind of helps you kind of your super.

Lulu Chalmers [00:26:27] My spouse does kick ass. Just, well.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:26:29] You're super easy at it. So like, but it's one of those things where you're like, okay, like all of these things. Like, I've seen all of these things. Like when I get it's funny when I get meeting requests to take the boys somewhere, I'm like, Man, I'm really glad that I got this because I would have forgotten, you know, like, that's really.

Lulu Chalmers [00:26:46] Why I do it, because I'll forget.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:26:47] Well, yeah, but it's those type of things. And so like when you start recognizing you start, you know, consciously you're trying to get yourself remember, and then you start seeing them and you're like, I'm going to jot that down that she did this or she did that. You know, it really, really helps you to, at the end of the day, be like, you just you'll see, you'll see some of the stupid stuff and bad stuff your spouse does. I'm sure you see lots of the things I do, but it's a theme of the day. It's one of those things like I saw 2 or 3 things are irritating and I. I remembered the 12 things you do every day that are really awesome. And so at the end of the day, you're like, Man, this is this is easy. Like, I'm really glad that I'm where I am and I'm doing what I'm doing with my spouse, with my business partner, with, you know, my kids, with whatever it is. You can start seeing those things that make make the job worthwhile or make the person special to you or, you know, whatever it is, you know. So you maintain that that level of gratitude towards a person, towards the thing, towards a, you know, wherever you are. And that keeps you in a really positive manner. And it also maintains your relationships with people. And so those are some of the things that I've really liked about it, because this is teaching you to do these, these little things in there. So simple. The thing I love about it is like, like I'll explain to people and they go, That's it. I'm like, That's it. That's all you got to do.

Lulu Chalmers [00:28:09] And then you have to do it.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:28:11] That's what you have to do it right.

Lulu Chalmers [00:28:12] You have to do it. And that's the important thing about this coaching is if you're going into it thinking that somebody else is going to fix you, that's not how this works.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:28:22] Not right. Not what this does.

Lulu Chalmers [00:28:24] No, it's not at all. And you know, adding to what you were saying, it's once you start again, this goes back to the reprograming yourself. You're reprograming what you're looking for in that if now you're looking for all of these positive things, you know what happens is a lot of my clients come and going to him, all of this bad stuff just keeps happening to me. And I'm thinking, okay, in my mind I'm thinking, okay. It's because that's what you're focused on, right? But once we start working together and they start actively focusing on these other things, after a while becomes second nature becomes the habit where they're now looking for the more positive. And they come back and then like and all this amazing stuff keeps happening to me. I think all you've done, all you've done. Nothing's changed. Again, it's back to what is your perception of your reality.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:29:17] What's that happening?

Lulu Chalmers [00:29:18] It's nothing's literally changed in the situation, is just that your viewpoint, your mindset has now shifted.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:29:25] Yeah. And it's one of those things where it's it is it is kind of that easy to do. You take people who are negative and don't see the positives and function and you turn it around. And in that, you know, again, there's a lot of information in the NLP thing. But that's they call it we call it moving to the call side of the equation. So it's like, how am I going to make what's happening around me better for me? Like, how do how do I take control of a situation and make it more positive for me and for those around me? And that's been. Those are fun things to teach. Like, I can't we can't obviously use any names, but like some of the things I've seen with some of our younger patients and clients that you've worked with has been really, really fun to watch. Some of these kids might not.

Lulu Chalmers [00:30:15] My kids, they're probably like mid 20s and and younger. But to us, they're kids.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:30:22] All my NFL athletes, all my NFL athletes, my multi-millionaire 25 year olds I still refer to as kids because apparently I'm that old now. Like, if you're 25, you're a kid.

Lulu Chalmers [00:30:31] You're not that old.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:30:32] But well, that's. Yes.

Lulu Chalmers [00:30:34] Yeah, because it makes me a lot older.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:30:37] It is kind of weird. Like my patients are coming and they're like, you know, Courtney graduates from college this year. And I'm like, I remember treating her when she was nine, so awesome. But no, so a lot of these things. You know, with these 25 year olds and 20 year olds and stuff like that, watching them kind of go from this, you know, purposeless, you know, life's kind of crappy, you know, I don't know why I'm here. This has come to in, you know, like 2 or 3 months watching me be like, this is what I want to do. And, and this is this, these things are great. I'm having a lot of fun with here. And, you know, and it's funny because I'll talk to them. They're like, I don't think I'm going to hang out with these people anymore. They don't know what's going on. And I'm like.

Lulu Chalmers [00:31:18] Exactly it. Yes. They have more clarity. They have more focus on what their goals are and actually being able to get there. They know where they're going. And to me, that's such a it is very rewarding to see the growth and it happens so quickly, especially if they're again, they're vested in their investing in themselves, which is their time to improve themselves. And if they 100% are giving it their all, you literally will see this change within a couple of months. It is amazing. And again, I know we keep talking about the differences between, you know, official. Psychology, therapy and coaching. We're giving you tools that then you're going to hopefully master. And it doesn't mean that we're going to do this for the rest of your life. This is a you know, we're going to give you the stuff that you need for a certain period of time. You go off, do the things, and then when you need it again, come back.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:32:19] Yeah.

Lulu Chalmers [00:32:20] So this isn't a you're assigning your your life away to us and.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:32:27] You're going to be.

Lulu Chalmers [00:32:28] In this for, you know, 15 years.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:32:30] Yeah. Now, it's, you know, a lot of times it's, you know, get in, do the stuff and kind of, you know, learn learn the techniques and kind of go on with your life. But like you said earlier, like, you know, I've got we've got several people who also see therapists for stuff like that for other things like, you know, people have bad things happen to them, you know, rapes and, you know, you know, beatings and all sorts of like all sorts of, you know, you know, horrible things can be said to people. Yeah. All sorts of different abuse. And it's nice to be able to have a therapist to kind of work on those really hard, really deep, really, you know, problematic things. But we can still, like you said, Kotori, we can so do this type of stuff as well. So they're like, I'm dealing with this over here and this professional way, and I'm learning these things over here to better, you know, communicate and do these things on the other side. So that's been that's been really, really fun to be able to be part of. But it's, you know, it's always when I asked this question of people all the time, like I set this up and I tell people this all the time, I make people agree on so few things. But the one thing we all agree on is that mental health is important. And people go, Yeah, you're right. And I go, What are you doing for mental health? And they go. Nothing like you might want to do something for mental health because it's kind of important. And, you know, this is one of those things I think can start walking you down the road. And one of the things that, you know, just to tie in the way we do therapy with this is that there has been several people that will walk them through how the subconscious mind works. You know, for the first, you know, 5 or 6 sessions and then we'll start working with them and their therapists and psychedelics to start kind of going back and starting opening up the box and figuring out, okay, what were some of the things that happened to you that were problematic? And then when some of those things come up because they understand the subconscious mind, they can deal with them better. And if they're, you know, big and scary things, then they can actually work with the therapist to kind of get those things to calm down. So, you know, there is a lot of room to cooperate in this. I see a lot of people, too, Steve, because it's just easy to be like, go, go. Like, let him figure out like it's like you had these horrible things happen to you and I'm not going to deal with those. But your, my, my therapy team, I can see you over there and they'll do a great job with it. So but this is one of those things that, you know, as difficult as it is to explain, it's one of the things you kind of have to see it and have to do it. It has been phenomenal for me. And I want to say, you know, I really enjoy the fact that you've gone through it and that you understand it now so that as a family we can kind of work on stuff because it is kind of fun to talk to you. And like when Zane or Laith or somebody does something, we're like, all right. Like, it means something different to us.

Lulu Chalmers [00:35:22] I know where it's coming from or what the. You know what's driving it? Yeah, it has been absolutely a lot of fun learning with them as well.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:35:35] Yeah.

Lulu Chalmers [00:35:35] If they go down this path and we try to teach them a lot of these things, I know, you know, especially with Zane, I try to talk to him about some of these concepts because if he can actually both of them can master some of these at a young age. That they're going to be in an amazing place as adults.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:35:56] Yeah, it is. And this is one of those things and I and I talked about this that actually it's funny because I mentioned this to Steve and the podcast I did with our Mental Health Lead, Steve Scott. And I was like, I think we should stop teaching some stuff subjects and Trig and geometry and, you know, and like some of the geography stuff and teach people your interpersonal.

Lulu Chalmers [00:36:17] Computers, by the way, are going to be losing their minds.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:36:20] You know, algebra is great. You know that if you want to learn calculus and Trig to go be an engineer, go to college and do that. But we need to start teaching our kids emotional function like like don't be afraid of your emotions. How do they work? How do you work with them? How do you work with other people's emotions? Like, you know, this is really important. You know, Steve disagreed. He said we should definitely learn geography because people don't know east and west, and that bothers him.

Lulu Chalmers [00:36:44] You know, I think geography does need to be in there.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:36:47] You know.

Lulu Chalmers [00:36:47] I'm telling you, I have stories of when we moved here.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:36:53] Well, that would be another thing. You've got. You've got for you that is, you know, a little bit different as far as, you know, stresses that you've had to learn to deal with because you weren't American by birth.

Lulu Chalmers [00:37:07] Correct? Correct. I'm actually you know, we moved here when? From overseas when I was 11. So it was in the middle of sixth grade. And it was a culture shock, even though we used to visit in the summer. But it definitely was a culture shock, not just from, you know, of course, you have the lingo when you have the, you know, what's the norm in how you communicate with each other or what's acceptable, what's not acceptable. But then you also have, for example, I can spend the night at friends houses until, gosh, I'm trying to think of how old I was. I was a lot older because in our culture that wasn't, you know, that's not the common thing. To go without knowing the family. My parents had to meet all their parents. So there is a lot there's a lot there. But the reason why I brought up the geography thing is because when we moved here, they had no idea where I had moved from. They had no idea where it was until I was a senior in high school. And then they're like, Hey, isn't that where you moved here from like 66 years to finally know where?

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:38:23] Yeah, you know. I mean, some geography is important, some geography is fine, you know, But learning how to communicate with people is, you know, important, too. So as far as as far as, you know, helping her with her stress and helping people kind of, you know, understand the way around them and communicate better and kind of have that mastery of, you know, being able to impart ideas and communicate, negotiate at a much higher level. Who all who are. Do you see this being beneficial for?

Lulu Chalmers [00:38:56] Everybody. I mean, frankly. For example, you mentioned the 20 something year olds who are still trying to figure out what they want to do with who they are, helps them who they are. This helps them get that clarity. You have the business people who are starting their own business where my client has his own business that they're starting, right? So it's getting clarity around that. But then those clients can use it from their personal standpoint as well, because what you'll notice of some of the issues that you may have coming up in business. You will also find that you're having the similar issues at home. Right. So it's understanding all of that. You have the we have kids that are teens, mid teens that are also benefiting from this because of certain traumas. Again, that they may not be aware of that they've gone through. It's. People, older people, you know, who've had the baggage of their whole lives that they're lugging around it. Frankly, it is very difficult to say, it's only for this one thing. It's not. You can use it across the board.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:40:21] Across the board. It's it's funny because one of the things, you know, when people talk about, you know, marriage, you know, stuff which in this works great for marriages, this is not for marriage counseling. If you know, if you guys are having massive fights, that's a therapist that go see a therapist. But if you're if you're good and the marriage can be better. This is a phenomenal thing to to work on the marriage to get better.

Lulu Chalmers [00:40:46] Can I interject one thing on this, though? I do think that they can work hand in hand because a lot of the issues in marriage could also be stemming from the individuals also having some stuff going on with them. Or to your point. Right, where they one person has a trigger when it comes to something because of some whatever it is issue that happened a long time ago that they may not be aware of, and once they work on that, it helps them work on the marriage together and it helps improve the therapy sessions, the marriage therapy sessions that they're going through. So I do believe that you can kind of. You use them? They work together. It doesn't work. To me, it's a good. Yes.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:41:32] Sorry. Go ahead. No, that's fine. You definitely can. It's just maybe it's just like once people have decided that they hate each other, it's not something. Not a group I want to work with. Maybe that. Maybe that's more of it. See, now I have problems, so maybe I should like. Well, no.

Lulu Chalmers [00:41:47] But to your point, they coming into this type of coaching, you should want it more for yourself than I want it for you. Yeah, because I want it for you. I want it for you pretty badly. Because there are so many people that I've worked with where I feel like I want it more for them than they want it for themselves. And we have to have a serious sit down and go, okay, do you really want this? Because if you don't, then we're both wasting our time. Well, I'll be completely 100% honest with you about that.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:42:23] The thing that I love about this one, you know, because I've I've for a long time, I've always said that the problem with a lot of marriages is that the people who got married didn't know who they were and what they really wanted in life, and they married somebody else who also didn't really know. And then all of a sudden they might have found out or that what they did do is they found out that the path they're on is not where they wanted to go. And so that's why I'm such a big fan of, you know, that 16, 18, 20, 25 year old going through this process of figuring out who am I? Like, what am I triggers like, you know, what are the things that have been what have I been programed with? You know, like, where's the tribalism in me? Like, you know, it's funny because, you know, and I see it with the kids and like Zayn and his friends will say things about, you know, a political party like Donald Trump or something like that and or like, this person's stupid. And I'm like, Why do you think that? What makes you say that? And they're like, Well, I don't know. And I'm like, That's programing that's going on, you know, pushing you one way or the other.

Lulu Chalmers [00:43:29] They're hearing a friend say something or somebody else say something, and they're just parroting what they're hearing. And all of a sudden it's.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:43:35] You know, all of a sudden that's their opinion. And you're like, have you even thought that through? And they're like, no, I think, well, let's walk through it. You know, those type of things are again, once you start understanding what's going on, you start seeing it. Because until you know it's a thing, you can't see it, you can't recognize it. And so as you start recognizing that, that's one of those things that I didn't like. All right. You know, even if I agree with your statement, you shouldn't have made that statement because you have no bearing on it. And so I'm not going to let this programing get set in because then you're going to be all you know, you're going to argue with nothing beneath it. So, you know, and that's, I think, dangerous. And so that's been a really big helpful to be able to recognize those things in the kids. But, you know, that's again, you know, how you're programed and being able to step back and be like, why am I like, this is really beneficial. And if you can figure that out ahead of time before you get married and have kids and realize I'm in the wrong boat, that's super beneficial. So that would be the thing that, you know, I would be like, you know, if there's if there's a group of people that I really wanted to target, it would be the 18 to 30 year olds and be like, Let's figure out who you are. Let's figure out where you're going. Like you're not broken. You don't have problems. Like if you've got you know, if you've got a diagnosable issue, you know, you know, bipolar, like go work with Steve and work with those guys, but let's figure out who you are and where you're going and what's important to you in life and why it's important to you. Let's, you know, set those foundations deeper, you know, so that you can actually think things through and get where you're supposed to go. And if you're that person as you're going into a relationship now, all of a sudden you know who you are and where you're going. And now you can find a partner who's on the same journey and it's going to make your marriage a heck of a lot easier. So, you know, that's.

Lulu Chalmers [00:45:21] Not to say, yeah, and it's not to say that you're not going to take your goals are going to change as you keep evolving. Right. Because it could be that now your goals are bigger than they were when you first started down this path and you're going to continue growing this. This isn't a I've now figured out myself and I stop there. You don't stop there. It's a it's a constant, you know, path that you're going down and journey. And it's just now you'll start noticing that you can achieve bigger goals when before you thought, no, I'm limited to this. This is my viewpoint, you know, my little goal, my little bubble. But then you'll notice as you keep going down this road that your goals are going to get bigger and they're going to get better and you're gonna be able to achieve them and you're going to continue growing and you know it. But having that awareness is iffy.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:46:18] Yeah, and it's kind of funny because I was talking to a 14 year old today and he was talking about his goals and he was like, Well, if I could have anything, he was like, I'd have the coolest car. I'm like, what's that? He's like, I'd have a Corvette. And I'm like, okay, what makes the Corvette cool, right? And I just, you know, just walking on the road, he is like, well, it's not just a Corvette. It's a 1968 V8 Stingray Corvette. And I was like, Cool. Like, why that one? What's special? That one. His. Well, my grandfather has one. And that's what's really cool. So he starts going all off on it. And I was like, you know, this is not a this is not a bad thing. Like, obviously the stingrays are beautiful vehicles and they're amazing, all that stuff. But it's like you've you've been programed into thinking that this is that that you don't drive like you've never driven a car before. But, you know, you've decided that this is a cool car because grandpa has one, which is not a bad programing. At most. This program isn't good or bad, it's just what it is. But it was just really fun to just insulate kitchen that be like, This is how you've been programed. All right. Absolutely.

Lulu Chalmers [00:47:24] Like colleges and university, right? I mean, that's a perfect example. It's all of a sudden you have these kids, they're like, no, you know, this university is better than this one. It's because mom and dad or whomever it is, that's what you're watching at home and here.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:47:42] And the other piece of that is that, you know, how do people ask me all the time, like, I don't know how my kid who was like this went to college and become woke or became ultra liberal or became this thing? I was like, well, because you sent them somewhere and you said, the people who are teaching, you know what's going on, they have their stuff together. You should listen to them. And they were like, Here's information. And you went and they went, okay, that must be how the world is because you're at the front of the class and you're telling me how things are. And so if you if you can teach your kids critical thinking of the person in front of the room before they get to college, perhaps some of this woke nonsense or some of this, you know, whatever, won't wear off on them. And so, you know, they could, again, figure out who you are and why you're what makes you tick before you go out into the world and get indoctrinated, whether it's, you know, left, right, center, it doesn't matter. You know, it's the it's the act of if you understand programing before you go get programed, you're going to be more resistant to it. You'll have a barrier. But like hold on. I'm listen to what you're saying. And I like you. I want I want to believe this, but I'm also going to fact check some of this stuff. I'm going to I'm going to be a little bit more critical with all the information, not just let it come in and change who I am. And so that's that's that's a piece of this. I really like the defensive ability that I really like about this.

Lulu Chalmers [00:49:07] Well, and you know, the the part of it is when you're you're learning what your values are and what's important to you, but you're also and you're also. Looking at. You can respect somebody else's opinion. You can be respectful, Right? You don't have to agree with them. But being able to think on your own, make your own decisions on what that means to you and the other person may have a completely opposite viewpoint on it because of their reality, because of their experiences. And understanding that I think you can then have a more civilized conversation.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:49:51] Well, it's I think.

Lulu Chalmers [00:49:51] About about things on opposite sides, right?

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:49:54] Absolutely. I can't remember who it was. It was Plato or Socrates or one of the one of the great all time great philosophers. The. The status of an evolved mind as being able to entertain an idea without succumbing to it. And so, you know, someone can say something like, that's a very interesting point. I disagree for these reasons, but it's a very interesting point that you bring up. You know, that instead of being, I disagree, I'm going to be angry, like, you know, and I'm going to be whatever. I mean, I have now this emotional response because you said something I disagree with. You know, that's learning how to get past that is also important. So. Well, I could literally and I will I'm going to come home and talk about this anyway. But but sooner or later, we're going to be going on for too long and people can be like, this is forever.

Lulu Chalmers [00:50:40] So I can remember this short.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:50:42] So either I get the point or I doubt. But All right. So that's kind of what, you know, P is, you know, we've you know, I realize that people are still probably don't have a great understanding where it is because there's a giant body of work based in some of the best psychotherapists, you know. Young And you're Freud and you know. PJ and like all these guys who've put this thing together, it's an amazing amount of information, but it's so vast and so really, really cool. It's really hard to discuss and, you know, 45 minutes and give people information. It's funny because like, the classes that we took were eight hours, four, five was like 40 or 50 hours of education. And the first like, yeah, day is just here's the terminology we're using and let me explain what the terminology is. So coming in and doing one of these mean like, no one understands the words we're going to use is is difficult. But now this is one of those things that I really.

Lulu Chalmers [00:51:39] Feel patients are for or for, right? Because yes, for me, I prefer having the conversation with the person, understanding what's happening with them and I can actually put it. In their framework that applies to their situation and how it can help them. Just makes it a bit easier to do that.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:52:02] And that's yeah, and that's again, that's also one of the things you're, you're I believe fully give to that is taking information in and then giving it back to that person in a way that they understand it. And I've watched you do it with people and it's amazing to me to just like you sit there you go. Okay. And you'll explain something. I'll be like. I don't know if they're going to get in there like, now I totally get it. And I'm like, all right. So, you know, it's it's so much fun to watch you do that. But that is one of those things that it's funny because like, I've talked to people after you've worked with them and I've talked to their parents after you've worked with their kids and the amount of the just like, she's amazing, I, I know. Yeah. Like, it's funny because we were like. Right. How did you know she was going to be so good at this? Because I remember who I was when I met her. And I know who I am now. And she's done a really good job of, like, grinding off all the rough edges on me. So, you know, I knew she could do it for you. Your issue is a lot easier than what I was. So you're good. So but it's been it's been a lot of fun to watch that. And, you know, the ability to communicate make things just easier and less stressful on all the way around with this body of work is really, really cool. And watching you use it has been really, really fun. So, you know, the people who. The people who have any type of issue communicating with anyone else ever should be should look into this issue, other words with us or with somebody else. You should definitely look into this because this this type of education is it's just not something we get in school. But it's so critical for life work so well.

Lulu Chalmers [00:53:43] And not just the communication piece. It's the if you feel like, you know, man, you have these goals set in, you just can't feel like there's always something in the way. There's always something happening where you can't do your stuff. There's something behind that, right? And this is where it can help uncover what that something is and helps remove some of those obstacles.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:54:05] It's also fun, like when I work with these people, it's so funny because it's like, you know, if if people are always mean to you or if things never work out around you, it's like, what's the common denominator in all those things?

Lulu Chalmers [00:54:20] Are you your child that we say that to? Quite okay.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:54:23] So he's getting it, though. That's getting it. He's but it's like it's like, so maybe I'm making the wrong decisions. And the people I'm, you know, I'm in my professional relationship or my personal relationships are, great. Why am I making those choices? It's because of how you were programed and how you are making decisions, how you're looking at the world. And so if we tweak that a little bit and we figure out, I don't need this type of person because I've resolved this issue with me, it works out a whole lot easier. So this is a really if you're sorry, go ahead. Go ahead.

Lulu Chalmers [00:54:58] I was going to say, like you have a lot of people who are always making excuses as to why. Things are happening. For them. Right. So if you start if you're if you're one of those that always have excuses and you have to be honest with yourself, are you actually make is this an excuse or was there really an issue then.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:55:19] You know, Yeah. And then and then there's always that, you know, you can't control the things that happened to you, but you can control how you react to the things. Yeah, that's a big piece that I think this helps with as well. So. But well, there's not a good place to end because this is and this is one of my first things to talk, to talk about. And you're my favorite person to talk to, so. You know, but so, so if you guys have questions, I'm sure you guys have giant amounts of questions because I feel like I was not if like I want to read this thing that no one's going to understand the words, you know, ask you like we'll do some consults with people, you know, however it is. And if you don't know if you should get this or therapy, get therapy because it's going to be beneficial. But for a lot of guys and a lot of men and a lot of people out there, they don't need therapy because they're not necessarily broke. And they just need to learn to communicate a little bit better. And this would be fantastic for that. So. That. Well, thanks for coming out and talking with me.

Lulu Chalmers [00:56:19] Thank you. I was excited to finally be able to do one with you.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:56:25] Yeah. So it'll be fun. We'll have to do some more of these. Some of the stuff. Like I was talking to somebody today and she was asking me questions about the like that. I don't like to call it marriage counseling, but like the marriage work that, you know, you and I talk about and that type of stuff and stuff that I, I do with people. And she was like, that's really cool. And so we'll have to do some what to do some of that. What we've talked about doing some of the, you know, old versus young like, you know, with with Karen, some of the some of the newlyweds and kind of going through me like, is that how you think this is? And this can be really fun whenever they have kids because that's going to be a blast. But we should start doing some of those. But we'll we'll do some more with them.

Lulu Chalmers [00:57:05] Before they have children to get it on tape, on what their thoughts are around it. And then once they have children with their thoughts, Ah.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:57:12] I think that'll be fun and we'll have to all talk to care about that. We'll have to start doing that. But. Well, thanks for being on. I hope people got some good information out of it and they got to meet you a little bit. So that was fun. Thank you so.

Lulu Chalmers [00:57:23] Much for having me on.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:57:24] All right. Thank you. Thank you. 20 minutes.

Lulu Chalmers [00:57:27] Yeah, it's a drive safe deal.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:57:30] All right. Love you back. Love you. Bye.

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