I was on a coaching call, and one of the people was worried about speaking and having people hate the message. He said he wasn’t looking forward to people being negative in the comments.
The issue is that he looked at it as if these comments came from him or someone like him. We have to understand that a lot of people in the world have emotional issues or have not worked on themselves at all, and they are hurting, and they have no way of getting any better, so they try to expel the hate and venom outwardly.
This makes what they say hurtful and mean. However, it is often not understood that the person is hurting. If you know psychology, you can usually see in someone’s post that they are hurting about something other than what they are writing about. It is called transference.
You have an issue in your life unrelated to where you put the emotion. You have a terrible relationship with your wife, which hurts you, so you blast people online. The issue is that you don’t get better by spreading negativity so that you might feel good at the time. However, you did nothing to help the problem, so you never get truly better.
Often this can spool up, and a person can slowly get more negative until they deal with the underlying issue. So if you feel the negative creeping into your life, stop and think, why am I negative? What is going on in my life that I need to work on?
With that in mind, if a stranger is seriously hostile to you online, remember that they might be seriously hurting in another area of their life and what they said to you means nothing.
During the holidays we are possibly in situations where family members may be tougher to deal with than expected. This may be to unexplained reasons of emotional stress that may not even be related to any of the family members present.
Dr. Matt Chalmers
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