Most of the time, with relationship issues, it isn’t that either person is that bad of a person; it’s typically a lack of awareness and servitude. More often than not, people don’t see the other person’s issues. You have to get into the habit of looking. This way, you can get into the habit of serving the person you are in a relationship with.
Now obviously, this takes both people to work. However, it gets a lot easier if you find pleasure in serving those you love. The best way to have this service impact those you care about is to figure out what type of service(s) they like.
This is where the love language idea comes in. It doesn’t have to be that book, but it is short and handy. Once you figure out the top 2 or 3 ways your significant other feels service and love start finding those things.
I worked with a couple the other day where the man would get her flowers whenever he went to the store and take her out on date night every other weekend. He thought he was doing great and everyone was happy.
However, she complained about how messy the house was and that no one helped with the cleaning or the cooking. He was doing a great job with gifts and quality time, however, acts of service was the way she felt love. This had gone on long enough that she was very frustrated with him and thought he didn’t care much about her.
She recognized that they went on dates often and that there were flowers. But that, in her words, didn’t make up for the fact that the house was always a mess. And she was also overwhelmed with the kids. This had been going on for years and they both agreed that things had been said about it.
When he realized what she needed, he offered to get a maid. While this is a great idea, I pointed out that the way she felt love was if he was to do these things for her. The fact that he would stop watching TV and take the time to do dishes, take out the trash, or help pick up the kids toys was what she needed to see that he cared for her in the way she needed it.
The funny thing is that when he finally realized how important it was, he immediately started doing those little things. Sometimes all it takes is someone else pointing it out.
Dr. Matt Chalmers
Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Before taking any action based on this information you should first consult with your physician or health care provider. This information is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions regarding a medical condition, your health, or wellness.